Brave New World

Women and Men have problems conversing.I think this revelation came about because of tonight’s conversation with my deary. I kept trying to pull a conversation out of him, but to no avail. After all my hard work the conversation ended with me feeling an overpowering sense of unfulfillment and resentment. Why is that? I believe it is the power of the conversation we have with those of our own gender. Not always, but sometimes it is just easier for me to talk to a woman about the little things in life than it is to talk to a man. This is fine and dandy until you find that special someone you hold dear. When that happens, I like sharing more of myself with them; this of course includes my irritations. However, I have found men and women who feel deeply about each other rarely converse deeply WITH each other i.e. she talks and talks and talks, and he sits quietly afraid of saying anything that may set her off (which believe me is the lesser of the two evils). I don’t know about other women my age, but when I talk to someone about the world or politics that is a totally different way of conversing then when I am speaking on my issues and irritations. I have found that men think you are complaining (which in a sense you are) and need your ‘problem’ to be fixed. It can not be helped really, men have a natural tendency to want to fix things. Unfortunately, giving me ways to ‘fix’ my problem is not what I am looking for when I talk to you! What I am looking for is understanding. Understand that I am irritated. Understand that I am venting (not asking for your remedies). Understand that I have hormonal imbalances that cause me to think irrationally about many, many things very often. Here is a good example. Let’s say a good friend of mine is getting on my last nerve. I call my sweety and throw everything I got on him about the situation. First realize, that it is quite an honor to be considered worthy enough to receive this unwanted, purposeless, and most likely boring conversation. Second, try your hardest to listen to me. I know it is boring but, baby, I need to talk about this so I can feel better (and remember when I was listening to you talk about that gross subject for hours on end the other day?). And finally and MOST importantly is the feedback. Too often men believe listening is the key to the problem when it is only the key ring. The feedback is almost, almost more important than listening itself! Seriously, if you want to make a woman happy when she is venting listen to her. Then say something backing her up. You have no Idea how securing that feels to know the one you may love most has your back. Going back to the example, the best thing a man can say is “What is Kesha thinking?” honestly that pushes the conversation and gives the woman reassurance that you are on her side (wait when did you chose sides???). A favorite of mine is “I’m sorry ______” it could be “I’m sorry to hear you are having such a rough time” or “I’m sorry, that must be really annoying”(wait why is he apologizing??) It just seems more emotional. Now emotional does not equal caring by no means, but it really makes a woman feel like you are truly involved and on her side in her petty little squabble. After that she might just leave you alone! Or you know, give you some “thank you for listening baby” loving. Just saying.

Ciao baby