It has come to my attention that I take things the wrong way quite often and easily. I want more than anything to end this, well, endless cycle of being so... whats a good word for it...??? sensitive? I mean really? Especially since I can be quite a douche myself. I think I do it as a way to combat what others do to me!! (see, I'm logical sometimes). The truth is, the logical thing to do would be to ignore it and if it persists, talk about it. But for me, I immediately turn into a child at the first sign of some one being a jerk! (Hey!! no fair, SO! I don't care...*pouting*) maybe I'm not as much as an adult as I believe myself to be. Oh who am I kidding, as I pretend to be. I still like eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like its fine caviar. I ride my bike through big puddles and lift my feet off the pedals so not to get them wet. I make funny faces at passing cars whenever I get the chance!!. I'm the farthest thing from an adult and I think I need to just accept it. This by no means is a confession to me being immature. If anything I am the most mature of the child-like in nature that I know!! I hope it's not hard to believe someone to be both a mature prototype of an adult and a huge version of their former child self. We all want to believe that we have grown up so much in the six years since high school when in actuality we are still very much NOT adults. I mean, I haven't even had a drivers license for ten years.
Either way, I know myself better than I try to lead myself into believing. I don't take jokes that are mean (in my opinion which mean they are really just teasing) very well. It probably has something to do with being self aware and conscious of difficulties and faults. Its easy to point out someones short comings in my mind( its easy to point lots of stuff out!!) but regardless of this way of thinking, I still find it increasingly hard for me to be at ease when some one pokes at me and pokes at me like that old snicker commercial that I can't seem to find anywhere on the internet!! (that kind of had nothing to do with anything, but it has been bothering me as of late...) See, I'm just a big kid at the end of the day, wearing the skin of some sort of adult with my beauty marks and puberty enlarged mammary glands. Getting older does not seem to change me into this upstanding citizen who pays taxes and works hard. No, I think those of us who still drink out of the milk cartoon or can live off of Ramen noodle for 3 years straight are stuck in this purgatory we call our early (fastly approaching) late 20's. We are hanging on to our old way, but also trying to reach out and grasp new and really boring things that adults do. So what will happen to us (am I grouping now?) who will never grow up. This reality makes me sad, to say the least, because there is no such thing as Peter Pan. WHERE WILL THESE PEOPLE WHO WILL NEVER GROW UP GO!!! I just hope that over time I will be able to become this wonderfully pitiful, always broke, burnt out shell of a human we call adults. One day, one day....(NEVER!!)
Ciao baby. (ADULT!!!)
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