Social Network Hiatus for Lent: What I've learned

After taking up the no social media logging in for lent agenda a day before lent started, I did a lot of soul searching. Before anyone says anything about the pics I was able to post, I can say I never once logged into facebook or twitter. Facebook has an email address and I simply emailed pics (yes, I was doing it because I found a way to beat the system).

So what have I learned? Well, you know me. I wouldn't be my bubbly self if I didn't come up with a morbid conclusion. In the end, me being off of facebook showed me that regardless of whether I'm here or not other people's lives continue on. I am but a small speck of dust amongst an immense rug that is this world. No one's life changed because of my absence nor did I expect for it to. Those who wanted to contact me did via telephone or email. Those that didn't contact me (though have my number) simply didn't want to. That's how it goes. My importance in my friends and families lives may be vast, but in the grand scheme of it all...I dunno man. Me personally I use facebook to talk to my friends, but mostly to comment on things belonging to  acquaintances. I noticed the span in time better without it. I had a lot of free time. Mostly to laze. Also to finish homework. But even then I just lazed.

A lot of strange things happened that I wanted to update about.Crazy things I saw, things people said, etc. And I could only tell those around me. But really, who wants to know whats on my mind 24/7? No one. Everyone just wants a soap box to talk on, to feel important, to not feel so insignificant. It's a digital venting station. There really is no reason for it...or for me to stay on it. So what's the point of me coming back?

Why does everything that one does in life HAVE to make sense? I came back because I could. I came back because I knew lent was only temporary. I came back because its nonsensical fun. However, I'm not going to live on facebook like I used to. My main transformation into a fb super checker was because that was the only place I could contact my then boyfriend and talk for hours. It seemed I was also looking to connect with my people who live 700 miles from me (in Atl shawty) as if they are right next door. I guess

For now, I'll continue to tweet about the strange thoughts that pass through my mind or the even stranger happenings of New York City, but I feel like the constant checking and chatting and liking.....that can end. What's the purpose.

Facebook isn't who we are, it's who we wish we were. with self portraits we took of ourselves again and again and again, because we didn't like the first shot and wanted our pics to be hot. The stupid trivia notes and posts we do to show what we like about this or that or this person or that person just stirring the pot of drama because our own pathetic attempts at life are so dull. Constant spying on friend's of friends or just plain friends and watching shit go down and then talking about it later (I know I've done it, "well on facebook she said..." anything that starts or ends with something similar should cause a sad realization about your social skills). I get that I'm coming off pretty fucking depressing, but I prayed during lent and meditated. Which brought me to the whole "meaning of life" thing.


What is the meaning of life? The meaning of life is to experience emotion and free-will. Then die. That's kinda it. Yeah, it sux. Anyways I really think it's one big cosmic joke. God is the original  comedian. Also, contrary to my beliefs, Jesus is not the original zombie (Lazarus or whatever was!). Dang, that really made me mad. Jesus being the first zombie would have been cool.
Okay, well, have a happy ritualistic holiday.

There's a light, but where's the tunnel

So it has finally happened. The weeks that were blowing by have finally started to creep. Very slowly. Half of this is a good thing. Senioritits is a real disease. I have been trying to fight it, but I'm losing the battle. So for the pace to finally slow down means I can work on all those last minute projects I was "working" on all semester. Half is horrific. I feel like I'm never going to reach graduation; like time is going to continue creeping slower and slower until it stops completely. The truth is...I'm tired of my job. It is unnecessarily stressful. And there are a lot of aspects of it that I don't want to be a part of. I try to cut my ties emotionally because whenever I take on the emotions of those around me, I'm pretty miserable. I seem to be miserable regardless. I'm pretty tired of childcare. And I'm good for another 10 years when it comes to baring my own.

I keep having weird dreams about my ex-boyfriend. Not like him wearing a clown mask and having sex with a dog weird (pause for awkward thought processing from my readers) ....but more like him sitting near by. like....I'm somewhere, hes in the same room. We just ignore each other. But at the same time we are all pissy. We know we are both there. I've had three different dreams that involve him sitting either across from me and me looking  some place else, or on a row of chairs beside me and me...uh, looking some place else. These dreams have me thinking about him during the day...like what he's doing and other things I should probably not think about. I'm not depressed about the thoughts...I'm upset I'm even having them. But I'm sure the real reason behind it is (drum roll)....

...I'm single and yes I mingle. I could mingle more but...I feel weird talking to more than one person at once. I was never a fan. Sure, we all have liked maybe two people at the same time, but..I'm just weird. I guess I type all this to say...that I'm not interested....85 percent of the time. Yet someone has that 15 percent right now and its driving me crazy. I'm not sure where it is going, if it is going, or what. I just know I'm good about making a huge deal out of these sort of things. I dunno...I guess I'll just ride the wave out right?

Oh by the way: peanut butter time

Just a quick blurb. I think almost a week and a half ago I put peanut butter in my hair to condition it. I just wanted to say that I have been busy and did not wash my hair in almost 2 weeks! that is all types of bad. Especially since my dandruff had been acting up. But to my surprise, my dandruff was minimum. I think the peanut butter really conditioned my scalp. I've been really fighting these huge scabby thingys since I dyed it. Since I don't use product, I was losing the battle. I would wash my hair and literally 2 days later it was as if I didn't. None to report since the peanut butter mask. So It must do it's job. Will I do it again? Most likely not. there are other ways to get similar results. The smell went away by the end of the day, but I'm not a fan of that hot peanut butter smell in the shower. I'll probably still use it on my face (and in my belly!). I did a dry deep condition yesterday. I used honey and a mix of oils. it wasn't oily...it was sticky. I measured everything but I think I should have melted the coconut oil to measure properly since it was solid. Either way, when I washed it out I could feel the oil. It was nice. My curls were nice. I think my hair has grown! I couldn't fit it under the cap and when I put the mixuture in it stretched it out into a big fro. When I washed it out it didn't shrink down like I'm used to, though if I let it air dry it would def do that. I did use some left over product I had. It has petroleum jelly in it :(. I was trying to stay away from that. I watched some youtube vids by natural85(she's like the Michelle Phan of black hair, so cute). She gave me ideas for making a moisturizer. That's been my issue for a long time, how to moisturize. Oil helps the scalp, but I need something creamy for my hair. She made this nice looking shea butter mixture. Only problem is, I hate the smell of shea butter :(. I think it smells just awful! I wonder if I can do the same thing with cocoa butter. I'm going to look up cocoa butter versus shea butter now! I really want to flat iron my hair so I can see the length.

That wasn't a short blurb at all! oh well, try the peanut butter mask if you dare. I think it really does work.

Chao baby