Across the Universe

I would do anything to be a million light years away from here...

What I mean by 'here' is this feeling I have. I have to say, in comparison to my previous crying spells and 'sleepy' appearance, I am now just deep sighing and feeling my worse at night. Visiting home was a big worry of mine. I didn't know how I would handle it. At first I felt strange...I was coming home and didn't immediately see him. But after my friends and family came to my side, I was able to actually have fun. So I began to worry about what would happen when I went back to New York. Alone.

Well, I'm still here. I haven't fallen off of the face of the earth. But now I don't have little brothers asking to play video games, eating IHOP late with friends, or hugs and kisses from mommy and daddy. I think the short hand version would be that I have nothing to occupy my time. Sure I am out and about., running errands and such, but I am back to being number one, as in alone. Today I talked with a lot of people on Skype which was nice, but as the new year comes in, I know everyone will be back to work, school, and family life. Which makes me wonder if I am cut out to be an adult. I don't seem to do these things too well (though school as of late has been amazing).

So it is now time for me to figure what to do in the next chapter of my life. 'Should I stay or should I go now?' That song was playing in my head for a year and a half when it came to should I stay in New York or should I go back home to Georgia. Since someone made a decision for me to cut Georgia out of the equation, now its 'should I stay or should I go now' as in stay in New York, or go abroad. Two of my friends are off on an adventure of new culture and excitement. I, however, am pretty home bodied. I would love to travel but a year is such a long time to me. I like being close to family and friends. Its just in my nature. On the flip side, going to another country sounds so adventurous. I'm black, wear an afro, and have large feet. I can't imagine too many places I would fit in perfectly in Europe, but who cares! I'll be in Europe right? I guess. I have this love-hate relationship with traveling. Love the idea. Hate the flying. Love the exploration. hate the timeliness. It would be such an easy decision if...

Okay...so you already know its about a guy...But hear me out. Not in the way you'd think. I'm kind of jaded at the thought of relationships right now. kind of don't want anything to do with them. BUT I do believe in the power of a certain relationship. Friendship. Nothing more, nothing less (though It would be a blatant lie if I said I wouldn't mind more). I have a friend whom I hold very dear. He's always been upfront and honest with me, and never lead me to believe anything outrageous. I've known him for 5 years and during the last 4 years he never once made any type of advance on me. He's motivated, he can hold a job, and...he loves New York City. If I stay in New York, I could have a roommate and a close friend. It would make being here so much easier. Other than my parents flipping their lids at the idea of me and a man living together (unmarried) I don't see any negatives. My parents' approval are very important to me, however, I feel comfortable with the idea of living with this friend and I know from experience that he can be trusted in the affairs of money and boundaries

A guy has hardly stopped me before from moving far away to chase a dream. If I want something bad enough, I'm going to do it regardless. But when weighing it all, I found that me up and running away to Tokyo might be a little rash of me. Here me out: I only moved to New York 2 years ago...which was me displacing myself in the name of education. Then I am suppose to displace myself once again after JUST beginning to feel comfortable and making friends (Which took me over a year to make!). I think I should sit around. think about it a bit. Who knows...maybe I can pursuade someone to follow me to the ends of the Earth...like to Germany... (yea right)

Ciao bebe.